Let's Begin.

Most of you only know the presentable, happy, loving, strong, "inspirational" (gag me!), talented sides of me.

I've decided to begin sharing the unexpected, angry, weak, ugly, unhinged, dark... (I think you get the picture.) sides of myself from my past and present. 

This is my year of total real and raw. 2023 is about truth (no matter how uncomfortable.) 

I hope my honesty helps offer a well-rounded, human look at who I've been, who I am, and who I hope to become. 

Let's begin. 

For every reason the Randaazo family chose to adopt me in 1980, there are equal and overflowing reasons why this family had every reason not to adopt me. 

I grew up happy but troubled. I was angry, violent, and dangerous at times. 

I single-handedly flipped a table and threatened to harm a daycare educator. Children and adults alike were afraid of me. 

I was prone to violent, spastic temper tantrums, often throwing the closest thing I could get my hands on. In one instance, I threw a Christmas tree across my Mom's living room. 

It took overhearing my older brother, broken and in tears asking and pleading with my Mom something to the effect of, "What's wrong with Ed?; will he be okay?" as I sat at the top of my steps listening for me to snap to attention and realize that I needed to get it together. 

This was a pivotal moment. As I grew up, I learned to put my anger and all of the unhealed parts of myself into things like model railroading, gaming, and music. 

I learned early on that if you don't deal with your pain, your pain deals with you. 

To my family, friends, educators, and caregivers of this time, I would not have survived without you by my side down in the trenches. You know who you are!